Monday, February 23, 2009

The Gettysburg Address, Elementary School Style

I think this is positively brilliant; a student wrote this recently for an elementary school newspaper:

"Four hours and seven minutes ago, my mother brought forth in my bedroom, a cruel awakening, worse than an alarm clock, and dedicated to a long and unwanted day at school. Now we are engaged in a great mathematics assessment, testing whether my brain, or ANY brain of any human with half a sense of sanity, can long endure. We are met in a boring classroom for this test. The teachers have come to attempt to get into our brains a portion of that math unit, as a final grade for those who at any time in the the unit bothered to study at all for fear of their report card. It is altogether unfair and pointless that they should do this. But, in a larger sense, we all want college scholarships, don't we?? The elementary school will little note, nor long remember the few days which the class actually paid attention to the lesson, but it can never forget that Color Day in 2008 when, for once, it didn't rain on us. It is rather for me to be dedicated to the unfinished homework which they who make unsuccessful attempts to teach us have thus far so generously handed out. They have done this in an attempt for the class to be dedicated to the great task remaing before us-the PSSAs for that cause which will determine whether or not we pass this grade. That we here highly resolved that this school year (no matter how much it may seem like it) will NOT last forever, that this class,in this classroom, will eventually reach summer vacation and that no matter how much teachers torment us with long division, it is possible yet highly improbable, that we will perish from the Earth."

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