How to Get Crickets and Neighbors to Leave You Alone

A typical day in the summer for our family starts out something like this:

I get up around 5 a.m. with my husband; he leaves for work, and I have some quiet time to do catch up and get organized in my home office. I am an independent contractor for a lady who needs assistance with some of her administrative duties. It's a temporary position and she has guaranteed me work through the end of this year, but after that, I will be exploring new opportunities. (This is one of the many reasons I began blogging.) I should also add that I occasionally fill in at the local hardware store , as well as a lovely bed and breakfast down the road from us as a hostess. (So, if you thought that any part of my day included sitting in front of the tv or eating bonbons and talking on the phone, well, one out of three is better than nothing.)

My girls, M and E, age 8 and 11 respectively,(I will argue with anyone here that they are actually going on 18 and 21),usually start waking up about 7a.m., regardless of what time they went to bed the night before. The fight for who will go on the computer first, or for what show will be watched on television commences. At this point, I am still in wake up mode and am trying my best to tune out the arguing, which quickly becomes a frenzied crescendo. I try the calm, loving approach. "Goodmorning girls, how are you doing today? Lets go make the beds, get dressed and have some breakfast. Its going to be a wonderful day!" I say this sweetly and full of as much enthusiasm as I can muster while bracing myself for what I know will be coming in about one minute,ten seconds.....

Oldest:"I never get to go on the computer first!"

Youngest:"Yes you do, you stupid head!."

Me: "We do not say the word stupid." This is stated in a monotone voice as I am trying to navigate through the mountainous paperwork on my desk.

Youngest to Oldest: "You always get to do everything first! I never get to do anything first-you were born first, you got to eat first, you got to get hugged first....."

Me to youngest: "This morning you're going to get your bottom smacked first if you don't stop whining!"

The argument ensues until both are sobbing and crying and the youngest is chasing the oldest around the room and trying to hit her. At this point I stand up and scream "ENOUGH! I AM TIRED OF OUR DAY STARTING OUT LIKE THIS!!!! GO GET DRESSED AND GET DOWN STAIRS FOR BREAKFAST!" At this point, any birds that were singing, or crickets that were chirping, or neighbors that were trying to have a nice, quiet start to their morning have all promptly stopped doing what they were doing, attempting desperately to regain the use of their hearing and retreat as far out of range as possible. This is the downside of living right in town. Often, in the early morning, before things heat up, I have the windows open (we have A/C units, not central air.) This leaves most of my life open to interpretation for anyone within earshot.

Minutes later, while I am trying to locate my head which detached from my body shortly after it began spinning and shooting flames in every direction, I hear the girls giggling in the other room, like nothing ever happened.

I can't help but wonder if I will end up somewhat like that guy in the movie Groundhog Day, who relives the same scenes over and over....its not even 8 a.m. and I am totally worn out already.